did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
