I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
