Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
