i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
