I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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