you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
