someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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