I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
