The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i've created a new STD.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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