His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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