In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
