im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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