we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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