well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
