I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
