my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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