That's when you crack a 10am beer
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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