and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
