I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
