why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
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You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
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a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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