so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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