I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
