when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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