My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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