Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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