Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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