im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
only you would photoshop your dick
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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