Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
