The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
