my sisters under your porch take her home
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
