she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
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I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
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She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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