ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
