What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
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Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
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Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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