How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
