i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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