im drinking this country out of the recession.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
