my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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