So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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