Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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