I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
