You made me cry and you don't even care
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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