I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
