She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
