Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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