***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it's like iHOP with fire
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
