No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
