her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize