What did we do last night that was yellow?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
