Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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