This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
vagina is talking i cant
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
