i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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