Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
