i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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