It's Friday. Sex?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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