i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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