my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
