so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
