HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
