Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
