She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
