my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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