did you get engaged???
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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