I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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