How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
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I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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