I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
