Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
