You're a womanizer and a bitch.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
