3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Michael Bay diarrhea
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
